It's hard having my best friend so far away from me.
We only met once and it wasn't that long ago, I already miss him so much.
We started as online best friends but we're just so much more than that, there's so much more feeling to it.
He never, ever lets me down, he can always keep up with me and he texts me alot, and it makes me so happy because he never forgets about me, even if we're very far away from each other I know my best friend is right there whenever I need it.
It's like we didn't just meet a year ago, it feels like it was way longer ago, like we've always known each other.
I just miss him. I wish he was here when I'm having a hard time, so he could support me even more, and when I'm having a good time, so I could share more easily my happiness with him.
Every night, for the past two years, when I didn't have a nightmare, I dreamed with my boyfriend... Every night, for the past two years, when I don't have a nightmare, I dream with my ex-boyfriend.
Why? Why do we get so fucking attached? Why can't we just move on and not feel any pain? It should be easier. Or at least, it should be hard for both parts.
I don't want to see you again.
I don't want to think about you.
I don't want to dream of you holding me in your arms, the same arms that are holding someone else right now.
I don't want to feel your kisses in my dreams and wake up craving them. I don't want none of that.
Enough with the butterflies, I can't bare them anymore, they make me feel like I almost throw up. They make me sick now, you make me sick. You make me hate you, why do you do that? Why do you have to be like this? Just make up your mind already.
Enough with your games, it's over for me. You were to one to say it, but I'm putting the line here. No more crying, I've got enough of that too.
Please, leave me alone, Please go away. Please stop. Please, stop invading my mind. Please, stop saying you miss me. Please, stop saying you love me. Stop it. Stop saying you don't want to be "just friends", stop saying you've "moved on", stop saying you want me.
Make up your fucking mind.
How to begin..
Hi, you can call me Nixie. Nixie is the name of water spirits that appear before us with human forms, this word comes from german. I think you can notice I see Word Porn quite alot.
Anyway, I'm starting this blog as a refuge. To be able to express myself, to talk about a problem I have with nightmares (I have nightmares constantly and I thought maybe I should write about them here), and stuff like that.
I'm not new with blogs, I've had quite a few and they were sucessful, but I just didn't have the patience... I don't think I will have it with this one either, but lets give it a try.
I hope you all like my posts, I'm mainly doing this because I want to share experiences really, I want to communicate with whoever, for some reason ends up reading this, and thinks "I know how that feels". I want connections.
Thank you, and see you later!
